The ‘C’ Word

Relax. It’s not what you’re thinking. Read on to feed your own curiosity.

When I was younger I wanted to be older and be an expert at ‘adulting’. And now that I’m older and somewhat wiser (I hope?), I sometimes miss the good old days, the days when nothing really mattered and my heart roamed free of responsibilities and the uncertainty of life.

What I know now is that time flies. It seriously feels like it moves faster than the speed of light.

Looking back in time and reflecting on both the good times and the bad times, the highs and lows, the peaks and troughs, I now realise that I’ve wasted so much time.

I’ve wasted so much time not being fully present in the moments that mattered. I’ve wasted so much time not loving enough. I’ve wasted so much time saying no to opportunities due to my own fears and lack of belief. I’ve wasted so much time questioning rather than accepting and understanding. I’ve wasted so much time feeling like I’m not enough or inadequate. I’ve wasted so much time not being open to endless possibilities and harnessing my power to create. I’ve wasted so much time. And now I can’t get it all back. That’s the sad reality.

I’m not quite sure whether this blog post is going to go anywhere, but I’ll keep writing, trust the process and see what presents itself.

Sometimes we want to see and focus too much on the ‘ending’, the results or the fruits of our labour rather than realigning ourselves with the present moment and the journey itself. It sounds cliched and I write about ‘the now’ frequently but no matter how many times we are reminded of this, we still constantly forget. It’s so easy to get caught up on the results and outcomes, and the truth is the future is not easy to quantify. This is my learning for today. The decisions we make based on the assumptions, beliefs and stories we tell ourselves about our past, present and future dictate what we do on a daily basis, and from moment to moment. The power to choose and live consciously is also heavily influenced by what most people refer to as our ‘self-talk’. And let’s be honest. Our self-talk is not always positive or nurturing is it?

When I write, I always write short snippets of content. I rarely ever write long posts, and to be honest it is simply because I don’t have a long attention span and I find that I digest information more easily when it is fed to me in small doses. And I know this might sound selfish, but I’m not writing this for you or the blogging community. I only write for myself. Everything we do no matter how selfless, compassionate or service-related it is, we do for the benefit of ourselves. Don’t you think that’s true? We do these things because it makes us feel good. And with that in mind, we evolve.

Anyhow, I digress. Going back to speaking of waste. Yes, I’ve wasted a considerable amount of time in my past. So what’s next? What now? Well, given that there’s no going back, and only moving forward and upwards, I am making a commitment. Yikesss! The ‘C’ word gives me the spooks and bouts of anxiety. But I truly am feeling these words so I will continue to write.

I commit to living in the moment. I commit to newness. I commit to learning. I commit to love. I commit to bravery. I commit to myself. I commit to commitment. And the discipline that comes with it!

I think that’s the end. I believe that’s all I have to say. My vessel is empty (for now). My words are complete.

Stay blessed.